ORDINANCE NO. 1984-2
PARTIALLY REPEALING AND AMENDING ORDINANCE NO. 1969-01
WHEREAS, evidence continues to accumulate indicating the Possible existence within Skamania County a nocturnal primate mammal Variously described as an ape-like creature or sub-species of Homo Sapiens; and
WHEREAS, legend, purported recent findings, and spoor support This possibility; and
WHEREAS, this creature is generally and commonly known as “Sasquatch”, “Yeti”, “Bigfoot”, or “Giant Hairy Ape”, all of which terms may be hereinafter be used interchangeably; and
WHEREAS, publicity attendant upon such real or imagined findings And other evidence have resulted in an influx of scientific investigators as well as casual hunters, most of which are armed with lethal weapons; and
WHEREAS, the absence of specific national and state laws restricting the taking of specimens has created a dangerous state of affairs within this county in regard to firearms and other deadly devices used to hunt the Yeti and poses a clear and present danger to the safty of the well-being persons living or traveling within the boundries of this county as well as to the Giant Hairy Apes themselves; and
WHEREAS, previous County Ordinance No. 1969-01 deemed the slaying of such creature to be a felony (punishable by 5 years in prison) and may have exceeded the jurisdictional authority of that Board of County Commissioners; now, therefore
BE IT HEREBY ORDAINED BY THE BOARD OF COUNTY COMMISSIONERS OF SKAMANIA COUNTY that a portion of Ordinance No. 1969-1, deeming the slaying of Bigfoot to be a felony punishable by 5 years in prison, is hereby repealed and in its stead the following sections are enacted:
SECTION 1. Sasquatch Refuge. The Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, or Giant Hairy Ape are declared to be endangered species of Skamania County and there is hereby created a Sasquatch Refuge, the boundaries of which shall be co-extensive with the boundaries of Skamania County.
SECTION 2. Crime-Penalty. From and after the passage of this ordinance the premeditated, willful, or wanton slaying of Sasquatch shall be unlawful and shall be punishable as follows:
(a) If the actor is found to be guilty of such a crime with malice aforethought, such act shall be deemed a Gross Misdemeanor.
(b) If the act is found to be premeditated and willful or wanton but without malice aforethought, such act shall be deemed a Misdemeanor.
(c) A gross misdemeanor slaying of Sasquatch shall be punishable by 1 year in the county jail and a $1,000.00 fine, or both.
(d) The slaying of Sasquatch which is deemed a misdemeanor shall be punishable by a $500.00 fine and up to 6 months in the county jail, or both.
SECTION 3. Defense. In the prosecution and trail of any accused Sasquatch killer the fact that the actor is suffering from insane delusions, diminished capacity, or that the act was the product of a diseased mind, shall not be a defense.
SECTION 4. Humaniod/Anthropoid. Should the Skamania County Coroner determine any victim/creature to have been humanoid the Prosecuting Attorney shall persue the case under existing laws pertaining to homicide. Should the coroner determine the victim to be an anthropoid (ape-like creature) the Prosecuting Attorney shall proceed under the terms of this ordinance.
BE IT FUTHER ORDAINED that the situation existing constitutes an emergency and such this ordinance shall become effective immediately upon its’ passage.
REVIEWED this 2nd day of April, 1984, and set for a public hearing on the 16th day of April, 1984, at 10:30 o’clock A.M.
Note: Became law on April 16th 1984.
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I would have restricted this to bipedal primate rather than giving a list of names. It could be ruled unconstitutionally vague. I would go for a $250,000 fine and probation that includes banning the person from the county for a year. What it really needs to do is be based on the same things as hunting so it could be a felony throughout the US. Then you could stop them from firearms ownership.
ReplyDeleteYea, $250,000 fine seems fair. What about a loss of hunting/fishing license for 5 yrs as well. Shooting anyone as a humanoid or bipedal. Basically if you do not know what it is you should not be shooting it anyways.
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ReplyDeleteIf it were a felony, it could make hunting illegal for them permanently. Felons cannot possess firearms. Anyone who looks at every blob and sees BlobSquatch is dangerous in the woods.
ReplyDeleteIt should be deemed illegal anywhere in this country to attempt to take a Sasquatch with a firearm. I believe that anyone who does so should be penalized to the fullest extent of the law.The problem with man is that if we don't understand it,we want to kill it.
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